dear drout,

sometimes when people talk to me, i simply forget to answer, like there is no need. if they write to me on a social media platform, i simply don't answer. this is what is wrong me. i have no contact with reality in such way people would exspect an answer. i just pass like there is no need.

this is also the situation with my boyfriend, so we make a terrible team. it is as though we are sleeping all the time. when the weather is very thin, like almost not there but you know it is somehow, this is like us.

my boyfriend will massage my legs every now and then, cause they are all useless. many times i can't even stand on them, this is how much they hurt. the same goes for my arms, but you can travel with pain arms. i was told by my doctor that to feel such pain i your legs and arms is normal. still i fell this is wierd, why is the rest of the body not hurting then. it is as though I have a little boks in the middle of me witch is normally funtioning. where my heart and lungs etc sits, with my face and brain attachted. so i can live. but someone cut all the innessesary stuff away. so i am this little boks with life.

now i'm starting smoking again. this fills me with delight. like talking to people about thing you did'nt think you were this passionate about. suddenly your all heated, and you will drink your wine in a hurry. this is what i'ts like to start smoking. only i will not smoke for long. this is what's delightfull, i can be two devils in the same time. the person who did'nt do and the person who did.

recently i looked out the window. i saw a little man unusually red in the face, like he was in a pot cooking with only the face left to be seen. i noticed he was peing. you ware able to tell couse he looked down in such way, as he was chekking out his pee falling down the toilet. i have never known before that i was able to see my naibours pee from here. i am happy now that i know, so i think: i should look at that window all the time, how many peeing working men will i be able to see through out a day! but tommorow i probably forgot about it.

i already told you, i am a person who get way to excitet about things that is very normal and dull. like i see a person doing something quiet normal on the television, he chase a little animal now that's hes in mexico and now that he is very interessted in all kinds of animal life, then he falls in love with a girl and eat, then i get all excitet and wants to chase this man down and marry him, but then i forget.

it's getting late and i hav'nt done anything alle day ecxept smoking all this cigarretes. everytime i write i fell like a moron machine. but then people tell me different. this is what tornes me: how can it even make sense that i'm not a complete moron to people. this is so delicate to think about. this is magnificent. like i dont even know.

now i will have to eat the pancakes my boyfriend made me allthough i'm not happy about putting anything solid into my mouth.

best wishes

Olivia